I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
