Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
