I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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