guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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