it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
