she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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