I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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