We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
