jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
