Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
