Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
