My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
