Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
