It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
