The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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