grandma shit on top of the toilet
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
