I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hippo gnu deer
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
