I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
