got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
