i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
