Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
