And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
two words...techno handjob
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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