I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
