it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
