i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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