I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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