Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
