Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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