we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so let's talk penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
