my room smells like sperm. sweet.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
