He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
