Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
