god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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