Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
