OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
