dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
