He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
