I think im going to throw up on grandma
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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