He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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