you would pick up someone in the library
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
