I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
