i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
