Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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