She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
