she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
