When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
