did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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