You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
