we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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