he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
