hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Acid is not a monday night drug
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
